How do I support someone with Depression and Anxiety?

Advise very much welcomed!

As you may know from my posts, I have a daughter who deals or tries to deal daily with anxiety and depression. She actually has a blog here on WordPress, but doesn’t do anything with it. Sometimes she likes and comments on my posts 🙂

I am so utterly proud of my girl, she is beautiful and witty, kind and clever. I just ADORE her! And she’s AMAZING at music, even if she just can’t get to grips with actually reading it.

A little while ago we went to lunch and she was asked to go and see if there were any spare tables. She clammed up. She couldn’t do it. There was a slight altercation between me and the other member of our party who bluntly told me my daughter just needs to get over it, and I need to stop pandering to her. The conversation stopped when I advised this is what anxiety is. We then proceeded to have a nice lunch and all was forgotten between me and other family member.

My daughter thanked me the day after, for helping her and not forcing her to go. I didn’t realise she had heard. I needed to ask her if I had done the right thing or whether I should have tried to encourage her to go on her own. Apparently I did the right thing.

It’s so hard to know what to do!

There is a part of me that thinks I should try to be more forceful (that being said, she is WAY taller than I am, and is a fully grown adult at the grand old age of 22 – the same age I was when I had her :)), but then is this a hang-up from old mentalities? I mean, people apparently didn’t suffer with anxiety and depression years ago, and now loads of people have it? I say this flippantly, this is something I do not think, but I need to be honest and say the thought had crossed my mind in the past – I am well aware loads of people have suffered in the past, but we now acknowledge the mental pain people are in.

But then, how should I support my daughter?

When my daughter first sought help, thanks to her lovely girlfriend (now fiancee) helping her to acknowledge she needed help, and then together they told me what was going on, Paul and I immediately changed our approach to our daughter, we just assumed she was a moody school leaver who was too lazy to get a job!

Because we became a lot more encouraging, we stopped being naggy parents, we stopped (most) of the arguments about the normal stuff – jobs, housework, parents will know what I mean, she was able to find an equilibrium in her life, she was able to find the confidence to be able to openly communicate with us. I don’t mean she was suddenly cured, that all she needed was a couple of months, I mean she was able to be who she is openly, and she knew we would bend over backwards to accommodate her.

For my part, when we talk, I try to encourage things I know will help, good eating, some physical activity, fresh air, but we don’t live in the same house anymore, so I’m limited, and she does know all this. I try not to make her mental state the most important thing in her life, I encourage her in her music. I ask her how she feels, trusting her trust in me to be honest, we chat like any other mum and daughter, we’ve always had a great relationship, for 11 years we were each other’s family. Then Paul joined us, then Amy’s fiancee joined us.

It disappoints me that my daughter can not get the therapy she needs on the NHS, I can’t afford anything else. She is currently having therapy, but it lasts 20 minutes, sometimes 30 minutes and she isn’t getting anything out of it. She is currently weaning herself off one tablet to try another, on doctors orders. I can see her slipping into a slump at the moment, and I can’t see what I can do!

So, I’ll continue to be as kindly as I can, I’ll continue to not judge, I’ll continue to talk, I’ll continue to try and bring up the things I know should help – though that can be difficult the lower she sinks, as she will take it as a personal affront. I’ll just continue to the best type of parent I can be. I’ll keep fighting her corner where I need to.

But, if anyone else has any advise, please do help me out. I would really appreciate it.

In the meantime, here are a couple of links i found useful, I have let my daughter know about the podcasts on the NHS.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/for-friends-family/#.XaSRN_VKjIU

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/generalised-anxiety-disorder/self-help/

http://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/tips-supporting-someone-anxiety/